My mother named me Lonna (alone) Allison (noble) Cottrell (lowly tenant). This title  enabled me to spend an extensive amount of time in isolation, single momming, writing, plotting, drinking coffee among other liquids. I’m also the author of Nice, a memoir…which currently collects dust.

After ten years without any non-familial male contact, I tricked a fellow loner/single dad, Mr. Major Potential, into taking me out. He lived up to his name and on June 4, 2011 we gave ourselves new identities.

The Cottrell-Thompsons = John and Kate plus eight minus 10 plus Mali, Simon, Maxwell, Brian, and Lonna…or the half the Brady Bunch without Tiger, Alice, and Kitty Carryall.

additional information

D.O.B.: January 28th, 1973

Height: 5’5″

Weight: between Karen Carpenter and Alec Baldwin

Eye Color: hazel

Hair Color: currently auburn, original unknown

Did Your Mother Smoke During Her Pregnancy With You: Isn’t it obvious? Yes.

Number of Children: three

Number of Marriages: one

Number of Divorces: zero

Number of Divorces Responsible for: unknown

Most Revered Literary Character: Hester Prynne

Allergies: mild reaction to adhesive, serious reactions to foods that require commitments such as potato chips and peanut butter, and sports of any kind

Favorite Freudian Stage Of Development: oral

Least Favorite Freudian Stage of Development: anal

Number Of Boyfriends That Cheated On You At A Boy Scout Camp: one (that I’m aware of)

Surgical Procedures: root canal, C-section, sphincterotomy, fissurectomy, left ovarian teratoma resection

Celebrity Encounters: saw Andrew Wyeth eat a chicken sandwich, Damon Wayons at a club in Philly, and Kevin Bacon walk by at the Cosmopolitan…and Shirley Manson hit on me telepathically. Chrisitan Bale and Johny Depp frequently visit me when I sleep. I was once fictiously engaged to Andy Samberg.

Movies That Made Me Love Icebergs: Titanic