My mother named me Lonna (alone) Allison (noble) Cottrell (lowly tenant). This title enabled me to spend an extensive amount of time in isolation, single momming, writing, plotting, drinking coffee among other liquids. I’m also the author of Nice, a memoir…which currently collects dust.
After ten years without any non-familial male contact, I tricked a fellow loner/single dad, Mr. Major Potential, into taking me out. He lived up to his name and on June 4, 2011 we gave ourselves new identities.
The Cottrell-Thompsons = John and Kate plus eight minus 10 plus Mali, Simon, Maxwell, Brian, and Lonna…or the half the Brady Bunch without Tiger, Alice, and Kitty Carryall.
D.O.B.: January 28th, 1973
Weight: between Karen Carpenter and Alec Baldwin
Eye Color: hazel
Hair Color: currently auburn, original unknown
Did Your Mother Smoke During Her Pregnancy With You: Isn’t it obvious? Yes.
Number of Children: three
Number of Marriages: one
Number of Divorces: zero
Number of Divorces Responsible for: unknown
Most Revered Literary Character: Hester Prynne
Allergies: mild reaction to adhesive, serious reactions to foods that require commitments such as potato chips and peanut butter, and sports of any kind
Favorite Freudian Stage Of Development: oral
Least Favorite Freudian Stage of Development: anal
Number Of Boyfriends That Cheated On You At A Boy Scout Camp: one (that I’m aware of)
Surgical Procedures: root canal, C-section, sphincterotomy, fissurectomy, left ovarian teratoma resection
Celebrity Encounters: saw Andrew Wyeth eat a chicken sandwich, Damon Wayons at a club in Philly, and Kevin Bacon walk by at the Cosmopolitan…and Shirley Manson hit on me telepathically. Chrisitan Bale and Johny Depp frequently visit me when I sleep. I was once fictiously engaged to Andy Samberg.
Movies That Made Me Love Icebergs: Titanic