What I want for Mother’s Day

Disclaimer: The last few weeks have been extremely taxing, so bear with me, please…

1. My daughter, Mali, to start integrating colors other than black into her wardrobe.
2. Mali to finally realize that she is 11, and for just one day, act 11.
3. Mali to utter I love you back before bedtime instead of Okay.
4. Only my gray hair to fall out.
5. Simon to get his hair wet during swimming class.
6. Maxwell, my four month old, to be able to ingest table food because formula’s really expensive.
7. Simon to start eating table food because Pediasure’s really expensive.
8. Alcohol of any kind. Gin, whiskey, cheap boxed wine, Natty Ice, vanilla extract, isopropyl, ecetera. I don’t mind if it’s not drinkable, the very fact that it’s within reach, comforts me.
9. Maxwell to speak early but only say, “Mommy, I love you dearly,” and “You look beautiful, incredibly thin, and attractive.”
10. To sleep in until 11…PM…three days from now.
11. An endless supply of sea monkeys
12. Simon to keep his underwear on and his fingers out of his butt at all times.
13. For Mali to do the same.
14. Duct tape.
15. Mali to wear pants.
16. An attractive driver’s licence photo.
17. Vegetarian spam.
18. Tim Burton to stop ruining my childhood favorites.