In preparation for my next memoir Slackers, I’ve forced myself to spend time with a pathetic soul that I had once known on an intimate level. ME. The 23, 24, and 25 year old ME. It’s all about ME. Thankfully, the man I’d been then dating (The Crustacean) was, is, and always will be a hoarder. He [...]
My goal: to make this post about my recent near-death experience as non-cliche’ as possible, because all such scenarios are the same. In every single one, someone nearly dies, but doesn’t. (Boring.) Please forgive me for my methods. December 31, 2009 Dear Ronnie Reaper (a.k.a Dan Death), I apologize for leaving you stranded on New Year’s [...]
I came across an Imaginary Boyfriend List yesterday that had spoken to me intimately. But since all of my boyfriends are imaginary, I thought I’d up the stakes. The difficulty in ranking them was excruciating. Especially slots 1 and 2. * * * 1. Andy Samberg Sorry Johnny, but Andy and I were bethrothed on Facebook (and ONLY [...]
Upon finding out that Michael Jackson decorated Neverland with mannequins, I had thought, “Mikey’s weird!” But now, after visiting Madame Tussaud’s Wax Museum in New York, I totally get it! I could seriously deal with having three, or four, maybe even five, of these in my home. All in different poses and costumes, of course. Wax [...]
